Category Archives: Self-Help

When shall it be “When”?

Too much to say as even more is the pile of works
When either increases proportionally, or the variance inversely
Wisdom clothed when its reversed to shame empty words
Or is stripped naked when there are noises made from every sounds.
In Preference, one is above the other irrespective of its presence
For its a choice of the being who creates its path of Personality.

Who is the person that dares to make a start
In that change that is close to perfection
Though it makes such equal to God
Yet it is but a start amongst many other changes to face
Started with little things behind the will and priority
Is the union and fusion of harsh and search judgement.

Who emerges victorious in constancy and consistency
Over the tides, thick and thin between good and bad
Yet the difficulty to spot which is the neither or either
Construes and complicates but determine or motivates
The being entangled in life challenges amidst noise and works entailed.

In one is the ever strenuous strife to uphold and sustain
The character renowned across other persons involved
For in totality of such works brings forth the birth of Society
Filtered in multiplied acts of Virtues and Vices, Good and Evil.
Still Perfection doesn’t make the limelight rather in fowl cry,
Measuring the God-like tendencies through words and deeds

Thus is the pensive mood breeding lots of tensed actions
Triggering ignorant result of mediocrity and pessimisms.
Should it be the disposition of character portrayed,
Could it transform to optimism and finesse instead?
Such is the middle gate between all beings who build a life,
To swim between the Devil and the deep blue sea of strife.

A Publication of Onyeador Anthony for Uniquely Mustered

My angel and I!

Never will I forget the way you made me feel
Every time I remember your warmly presence around me.
Its like being visited by one of the dearest angels,
Who was sent to pray me through a vision
But refused to return from the mission,
As(s)he sat with me all day watching television.

At night, I’m cloaked with endless tunes
Of heavenly tones wrapped with every tales;
Yet I forget how light my soul was
As my body cheats earth rules.
Thus in my selfishness, I beckoned you to stay,
To soothe my pains and heal me when I stray.

Who can tell if time would come,
Shedding tears on the day we parted ways;
I’ll be by you each day without delay,
By calling me through heartfelt prayers.
Use music and voice your every desire,
As I communicate with God through replies unknown.

This is the new path as I was taught by the angel,
That God is with me even when I feel he’s not.
My prayers transformed in many ways,
If not good mood today or better strength across days;
Not to forget the strange power of confidence when I’m afraid,
The angel in me is better than the worse of me through Satan’s influence.

Friends, this is an encounter I share only imbibed by faith,
God is real more than what I say and feel.
For to prove him here is beyond my state;
Still better his presence when you think he’s not there.
Either of which way he made without proof,
But the only which I give is my encounter with an angel dear!

A Publication of Onyeador Anthony for Uniquely Mustered

CHOICE

There are times you feel like having a retreat. Taking a French Leave from the office so as to re-navigate some thought processes, actions, principles and priorities. Strange, an actual leave may not give you such space. And even if without work, you’re still saddled with responsibilities. So you decide to break away, on an unknown day to save yourself.

You’re in the Park, and about to take off. Only to realise that the important documents is not with you. Recalling how the day begun, you discover that you’d being strayed from your focus. If only I didn’t do this, that… For all the things done around you is done by you. Now its time for you to take a break, and the guilt that things will become more messy is the only thought pondered. To the utmost surprise to all the passengers, you quit your journey half way as you plan a return. To yourself comes this assurance: “To Hell with my admission to the University, my lazy siblings can’t do without me. If I can make them focus to responsibilities and life, I can still have a shot for another admission in the future”

Such are the scarier line of thoughts one takes to build a healthy but stress free personality. The motivation cannot be atoned for yet untraceable within you. For life itself is unpredictable as should you. Yesterday was a regret of an action that was unfulfilled as today is an opportunity locked with lots of challenges you wished you had withdrawn the motive. The conflict of these two fails to perceive the future ahead. But for now, you’re at loggerheads with what to do as you wrestle with the current situation. For the above stories is what people pass through though wrapped with different twists, characters, places and experience – the result is arrived at two variables: Choice or

These two are different for they generate the drive that gives various mediums of preamble. Such preamble are: Time, Device(physical or otherwise), People, Virtues/Vices, etc. Choice is the positive or negative part of the being. The above stories are epitomes of Choice.

CHOICE is that unexplained traffic of thoughts, emotions or disposition, actions and behaviours endowed in one to provoke reactions from the self or/and from others. It gives rise to result to positive or negative or both. It is also an infinitive array of options, challenges, solutions invoked that is transformed to interactions, research, disciplines and onwards. Its a silently salient path imbued in the make-up of the being. Choice when tolled in the positive leads to countless standalone processes which is slowly, moderately or highly replicated. The being exploring this form need not consider or plan introspective patterns of how the results would be. Rather such should totally surrender, give up, let go, or whatever term there is to qualify “free” to the chains of actions, disposition, etc. For it thus becomes a System plied by such a being as he or she maintains, develops or improves the System of Choice in its personality.

Choice if not properly guided trades negativity. It unfortunately shares the same channel with positivity or genuine virtues but its replaced by vices as the System yields negative impact and results. It may not be certain the degree to which one may access it for it stabilises the chain of positive lines. Thus the being needs to have a fair cohesion of Choice-positive or negative- in the development of self. The reaction of it across different groups of self sparks off the reciprocals of various fusion of factors and variables.

A Publication of Onyeador Anthony for Uniquely Mustered

Dancing with the Gods

To whom should I pray to
The One whom faces the East.
Or to the One who conquered the Cross
For the former was a Private God,
Of which I prayed through Culture;
Still confused I am than I ever was
If its by Faith or Tradition that appease God.

For in delight I groomed my life
Which gave room for a new talent.
Its fruits bore with quick strife,
Or its punishment never deterred
Such was the practise ever rife;
All being smooth till I married a wife.

She prayed I stopped bowing to a Strange God
Denouncing woe on the Chief Priest,
How dare she cursed a man so great
Whom unknown to me he fought her faith;
I later came to accept one day,
A challenge he lost to a Stronger deity.

To my surprise to renounce my old faith
I see the Chief priest with a new book,
A bible I was told he now possess!
And a new disciple of what I’m about to profess,
Strange indeed is this God so deep
It converted the one whom I held in high esteem.

As for me its still the same
The prayers I say to the former is for the latter.
But a life I can’t describe is what I can’t bribe,
Persuasion shouldn’t be compared to Persecution.

Or is it the food rendered or its incantation chants,
Is substituted for Communion and Praise.
In difficulty I persisted to learn the new faith,
As I peruse in spirit between two faiths;
Which is higher or should both be practised
Together with my presence of the church gathering.

Yet again I search for meaning
As I travelled again to another religion.
Of washings of hands, faces and feet
And the mat to kiss at every sound;
I stoop to pray with the man beside
To Allah the Beneficiary and Most Merciful

I trace its history embedded Culture
Mohammed is the founder who began in Mecca
Erected beside the Jewish Temple
Began a Race with the Subha and Quar’an
Gazing east whenever in prayer
Remembering the Ancestors who taught the faith.

But blurred and controversial is there to chase,
Its many shoots and promise made;
If gone deeper, what would be my lot?
Or if left shallow, a fight with the brothers’ slot;
So I decide to let go as such is the case,
All Islam pace as I save my face. .

Yet I remember the faith I tendered
About my will to surrender to the Hindus.
Or the Buddhist culture maybe;
But quickly I left as well as how I came,
The Practises, style so fastened to fetish means.

Remembered I sailed from towns through faith
And I ponder which I stuck never to de-base,
The faith of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
Is what I defend till Heaven calls.

A Publication of Onyeador Anthony for Uniquely Mustered

Sentimentality

Oh what shatters my heart like one throwing a dagger from afar
Are the words so heavy stomping the ground in thunders
That which sours thought and angers mood
No matter how good one seems to sway
In split seconds the actions weighed
As all is loosed in Hell’s Way.

The words deep as a stray bullet
Wounding the heart, corrupting the brain,
Seeking to revenge without gathering facts
Those words glaring the conscience without peering through thinking
The battle to retort, give back and dash back is ever in mind
To repair the betrayed emotion, the wounded ego and its personal pride.

“Eh hen, na so e dey take behave, e no sabi anything?”;
‘Yes, he should be removed, shameless man of no reputation’;
Even if I go dey there I no fit try am, see simple test wey hin fail;
These are words that go unnoticed but screams with a mediocre cry
Are the daily actions, expressions and thoughts of every Nigerian Man and Woman.

 

Most times one never seem to check the way words are being addressed to. In discussions, dialogue, training and correcting one, a sentimental approach is used and it is so clear no matter how swift or raw its impact maybe. This has gradually become a norm in the psyche of any average Nigerian within any extent you may want to take it to: be it across Academicians, Social status, Backgrounds, Religion, Culture and any categorized factor.

Sentimentality in a simple term is originally indicated the reliance on feelings as a guide to truth, but current usage defines it as an appeal to shallow, uncomplicated emotions at the expense of reason. This is from Wikipedia. Going by this one may become indifferent. But from Vocabulary.com, Sentimentality is if he or she is led more by emotions than by reason. It is obvious people across different backgrounds as long as they have life can be sentimental but the argument is: To what extent or degree. When compared to the other race, nationality and philosophy of the person, there seems to be some similarities and/or differences that necessitates change of the individual in check. Thus departing from the broader scope of person, the intention is to measure the sentimentality amongst Nigerians.

In Nigeria Today, it is almost inadmissible to remove sentimentality, as each one is engaged on how their “Feelings” to this article is rated on it, in the average minds, speeches, actions and behavior of man. It is to some extent forming the psyche of the person owing to certain factors which shall be discovered and explained. To those who happened to defeat being sentimental, they become Sentimental by Criticism. This is to say such a person cannot let a matter or opinion go without criticizing it. Thus whatever is expressed is either with feelings or reasoning Sentimental Free or Criticism Free(that is if this has not been rated already) and there is no need highlighting examples for you and I have loads of encounters and experiences.

Sentimental dispositions affecting the Nigerian Man or Woman today span from and could be any or more of the following:
Status.
Culture.
Psychological make-up.
Beliefs(as categorized to be faith, Religion, etc.)
Academic Factor(comprising of Disciplines, Scholarly status, etc.)
Peer Influence.
Family
Media.
Nature of Environment.
Politics(as categorized as the Polity, Government and its like)

Status: This can be classified into the source of wealth, affluence, power and control the person have deemed in his or her person. It could spread across the rich, middle-class and poor. Most times such is obvious in the way the discussion is ensued or expressed from the person to another. Thus the first of the noticeable discovery of sentimentality is through this factor before it cuts across other factors below.

Culture: This cuts across the majority and minority tribes as it dissolves down to the most difficult or easily spoken kinds, Strange and funny ones; Nearest and furthest; most stereotypic and less stereotypic kinds(all culture has a tone of stereotype, be it Nigerian or Abroad); the kinds that supports freedom to that which restricts; the most biased or less biased(if any); the most practicable and less practicable kinds, …. the list goes on and on.

Psychological Make-Up: This spans across a broad and wide list of checklist that detects the ego, self-worth or self-esteem, mode of carriage, attitude, etc. To the methods one uses in developing which comprises the Processes and techniques one sets up in the formation: be it academic, philosophic, cognitive, spiritual, social emotional, etc. To the way such persons sees and relates what is outside his/her person. This factor is the simple but easily neglected item one truly considers before setting the other factors aright.

Beliefs: The consideration of Nature and Understanding between the self,God and the other person, the kind or place of worship, the interaction that may lead to lack of idea or superfluous information to the religion, the degree of the nature of worship on the person, the degree of faith in the person, the level of What to learn and What to Drop across the other factors that would lead to Sentimentality. Ironically, most Nigerians tend to defend beliefs which could be interests, opinions, ideas, propaganda as well as make it the first amongst equal to relate with. This is to mean that this stands to equate the status of Wealth of the person from his or her mien. This is so wrong for the understanding of the person should be prominent and be used as tool to associate rather than Beliefs. Moreover, Such prominent attention should be the Family and Psychological Make-up of the person.

Academic Factor: This states the School or the level of scholarly experience gained: be it Professor Emeritus, Professor, Associate Professor, Doctor(Ph.D.), Masters, Bachelors, Polytechnic Awards, First Class, Second Class Upper /Lower, Third Class, Pass, Secondary School Leaving Certificate( otherwise known as Waec or Neco, or Junior Waec), Primary School Leaving Certificate, Drop out, Illiterates, etc. Either of this is used to make or mar the Person. It thus goes on to show the degree of the Awards gotten either across one, several and Multi-related Disciplines. Other Awards gotten are from Projects, Reports and Seminars etc. Thus it is interesting to note that the level of Academic wield of a person varies and may be more or less significant across Literates and/or Illiterates divides .

Peer Influence: This is the level of interaction one has with his age groups and other age groups irrespective of the person and the factor considered. It also detects the level of control on or over the person.

Family: Another Complex, Prominent if not the most Important and also a factor that is ignorantly observed in the terms of a proper development of the person as in terms of Sentimentality. This is the nucleus of which the highlighted factors are gravely seasoned to produce a properly developed, or mediocrity shaped or poorly and carefree turnout of the person. It cuts across all sizes, manners, degree of sentimental and non-sentimental state in the formation of the person towards his or her parents and siblings before displaying such to the extended family. Thus if properly formed, the person ought to see the strengths and weaknesses of its person across the family divides and spoils.

Media: This describes the output of the Print(Magazines, Newspapers, Books, etc.), Audio, Visual and Telecommunication(Use of Phones, Fax, Technology) source of information. It does not to the lowest export of detail the opinion of one but the totality of all.  Thus it detects one’s ideas expressed as all as it splits to the number of persons co-joined, and that of the Media(one or whole)Reaction(s).

Nature of Environment: This expresses the explosion of all factors and its struggle to select its unifying as well as dividing force in the formation of the self and Sentimentality.

Politics: This describes the affairs of the territory or the Government in the psyche and development of the self. It thus expresses the influence as to the Successes, Pitfalls and Challenges of the Polity of the Government and how it affects the Nature of Environment and the person towards Sentimentality. This is to say as Government, makes up the different classes and factors of people, it is affected by sentimentality as to the Person itself no matter if such single or plural in person. Government here describes the Political Party, the kind and type of Government it runs( be it Democracy, Oligarchy, Fascism, Communism, etc.) The Number of Party it has, the arms of Government: Legislative(and subcategorized to its likes), Executive(and subcategorized to its likes), Judiciary(and subcategorized to its likes).
Thus the emphasis by which Sentimentality takes effect is the Government and the Person.

 

In all of these, one can use the above measures to know where he or she stands. True, it could be low or high (either from the rate one perceives in undergoing this or the rate of the article itself) but what is known is no matter the “what”, the “who”, “how”, or the “where”, one can gain a healthy sentimental ground if such renews the change in the person itself and the change in the factors underscored consistently and simultaneously.

 

Building A Strong Self-Impression

A Guy whom just got a job rushed out of the living room about to catch a bus only for him to stumble on a lady whom is hardly looking where she’s passing for she was receiving an International call and was engrossed in the discussion which was short-lived as she crashes into him. Worse still, she had a bottle of a pet bottle soft drink on her. What will they tell each other after the incident? These are episodes of encounters, challenges one faces within split seconds though it varies in account. Considering on the above encounter, either of them if the presence of a well built self-impression personality can make it away with a less fuss. For the young man, the sharp return to change and take the risk of hiring a bike or car that can cover past the distance of the incident would be one of the option that would ring through his mind or is it for the lady to make a little scene of inaudible reproach even as the conversation is on and redress herself as an act of rehearsal while moving past him would rather occur in her mind. For both to stop either to apologize or to point out faults between them should never be ensued. A Self-Impression is the composition of organized series of thoughts, actions, gestures and behavior played out when a particular set of actions occurs. It varies across the sexes as it can be low, moderate or high as compared to whether negative or positive it may be. Its no fact that one wants to wear a positive self-Impression no matter how low or high for its what navigates the person towards achieving targets, goals, principles or theories of gradual affinity. To have a positive self Impression with a poor or negative self-esteem would not play out easily as it may make one behave indifferently or with double-standards. Thus with the one with a good and positive self-esteem and with a clear mind o focus to accept and perfect a healthy personality, he/she should apply it to situations that would go out of hand, or in Risk, or tough choices of priorities, theories or even contingencies that may lead to a volatile or negative end. Such would animate the reward of how strong or weak a person’s self esteem may be.